Brand Loyalty

I had been in this position before. Not recently, but it still feels like a fresh memory. A fresh memory that I can't actually remember. Like a word that's on the tip of my tongue but never comes out. I've been in this grocery store aisle for a full three minutes. Frozen. It's not the frozen aisle-I'm the one who's frozen. I just need to be clear so that I can properly set the stage for you. 

There's deodorant to the right of me. Shampoos to the left of me. And in front of me is my own personal Charge of the Light Brigade, all of the toothpaste. It's a product I use every single day. Three times each day if there are any dentists asking. But somehow as I stand here in this sterile, snackless, aisle of the grocery store I can't remember which brand I like. It might seem like a trivial problem, but as someone who has been burned by bad pastes before, I promise you it is not. One false move and you're stuck with mediocre TP for what could be months. I can't let that happen again. I won't let that happen again. 

I desperately want to be loyal to my brand, if only I could remember which brand I wanted to be loyal to. Brand loyalty is much more about memory than one would think. $70,000 to a top business school and not one time did they mention this fact. 

I must be on minute four now, and I'm starting to sweat as I can feel other shoppers starting to catch on to my plight. I have to just pick one and deal with the consequences. I should pick a blue one, for sure which narrows it down by about three. It also has to have whitening technology, with 'technology' being used loosely in this and most industries. Although I'm not convinced whitening toothpastes work. I just know I'm too risk averse to roll the dice on this. 

I'm just going to decide on price. I can't stand here any longer and there's a BOGO deal on a blue packaged, whitening toothpaste that I've never heard of before. 

As I walk up to the counter to pay for the toothpaste I probably don't want, and I'm asked if I have my loyalty card I become fully aware that "no, I do not." And just like that, this possible BOGO deal goes up in smoke as the clerk can't be bothered to use a complimentary card or flip through the coupon book. I pay full-price for both tubes and remember I'm a Colgate guy as the packages hit the bottom of the plastic bags at the end of the belt.

"Have a nice day," says the clerk.

"Probably not for a few months," I sigh. 

Growing Up and I've Lost My Edge

You Had To Be There: Chasing Once In A Lifetime Moments in Comedy