DALLAS – After a disastrous third quarter, Dallas-based tech company Apexly is facing massive layoffs. Last Friday, CEO Larry Oswalt held an all-company meeting to reassure his employees that, even after all of this, he will be just fine.
Addressing a rumor that salaries would be cut in 2018, Oswalt noted that “things might look dark right now, but I’ll be getting a 100-million-dollar payout to resign at the end of the year." He followed up his response noting that it “would have been 300-million had I not driven the company into the ground.”
The all-company address began on a high note when it was announced that lunch would be provided by the company. The goodwill lasted a few minutes until the one sandwich per person limit was discovered. Oswalt made sure to address the elephant in the room, promising that he would abstain from eating any of the lunch. He “had a pretty big breakfast at the club this morning, so he wasn’t that hungry anyway.”
Noting the tension and anxiety in the room, Oswalt pressed the Apexly team to remain optimistic and look for silver linings. For himself, his impending resignation means he’ll have much more time to spend at his home in the Bahamas and he “hope[s] to see you all there this winter.”
Oswalt wrapped up the meeting with a PowerPoint presentation looking back at his proudest Apexly moments and an invitation to stay in touch through his personal assistant’s email address. He finished by saying “Apexly will always be my family. And I know how families worry. But I’m going to be totally fine. I’m going to take a few months to spend with my real family and my millions of dollars, and then choose from the dozens of offers I already have to run another billion-dollar corporation.”