I'd Understand if More People Stopped to Ask Me if this Baby I'm Carrying was Kidnapped

I’m a dad. A biological dad to be specific. But I get that I don’t put off dad vibes. My vibes could be better described as ‘failed entrepreneur’ or ‘day drinker.’ Either way, I’m very comfortable in a hoodie. Which is fine. But since I know who I am, I guess what concerns me is that more people don’t stop my daughter and I to see if she’s been kidnapped.

To be clear, she’s not being kidnapped. She’s safe. I’m her father and her mother knows where she is. BUT YOU DON’T KNOW THAT. If my baby girl was ever being pushed in a stroller by a guy that looked like me? I’d be concerned.

See something. Say something.

It’ll be quick. It’s ok. Stop me at the park. Use your serious voice.

Is this your kid?

Yes it is. Here are several photos of her birth, including multiple with newspapers in the frame to place it in time. No need to apologize. I know what I look like. Here’s $20 for keeping kids like mine safe.

They would never take the $20. It’s too weird. But it balances out the weirdness of the whole situation pretty nicely. Like adding acid to an over-salted food. That’s right. I' watch Top Chef. I’m working on cultivating my dad vibes and avoid whole situation which I’m already avoiding.

I’d be lying if I said I’ve never put my hood up and started looking around, suspiciously, like I’m worried someone will see me with this baby. In hopes that someone will see me with this baby. And, I don’t know, call the police to check up on me? Maybe I’m overprotective. Or more likely, you’re the ones who are wrong. I understand anyone can be a parent. And that most parents look tired. And are tired. But you know who aren’t tired? Kidnappers. So just ask.

Either you’re right and you’re a hero. Or you’re wrong and you make twenty dollars.

Re: Happy Memorial Day! — 15% Off Your Next Order 💸

Beneficiaries: A Television Sitcom Pilot by Chris Todd