Haikusies: A Tribute to Beverages and the Things that Keep them Cold

                       I wanted to get a famous Haiku writer to provide the foreword to this collection. However, after several hours of Google searches I discovered nobody has become famous from haiku. A little concerning considering my desire for money and the time spent writing hundreds of tiny poems. I figured I must press on. I must make others waste their time reading my poems like I did writing them.

            The origins of the title Haikusies is a simple one. I wanted to write a book of haiku, but due to a lack of education, I believed that haikusies was the plural of the word. When called out on my ignorance by a close friend, I did not want to appear dumb, and blurted out the first thing that came to my mind: Every haiku is about drinks, and the things that keep them cold. You know, like a koozie. That’s much less dumb sounding.     


The Haikusies  

Orange juice today
Quenched my morning desires well
Toothpaste almost ruined it

Sweat on my warm brow
Frosted mug chills only my hand
No ice, soda still flat

Beer is good in mugs
Beer is good in cans and bottles
Beer ruins relationships

Hammocks sway in breezes
The bucket of ice still fresh
Too poor for drinks

I am a grownup
I am refined and polished
I don’t like red wine

Red and blue on wheels
Hours in ice confirms your name
Can’t find the right can

Ancient Chinese secret huh
Little cups and soaking little bags
Tea is better iced

Poverty in college
Cheap, light, canned beer abound
Bottles were delicacies

Hard work pays off
Gatorade hydrates winners
Losers drink it too

Essence of moisture;
swimable, drinkable
Main ingredient in pee

KOOL-AID, Its like crack

Two parts Kahlua
A couple more parts vodka
Cream. The Dude abides

Who loves orange soda?
Kel loves orange soda, he does
He does, he duh-uz

Googled it thrice
Keep forgetting its definition
Horchata, what’re you?

Natty Lite, Natty Ice
Same price same taste, yes
Ice gets you more drunk

Here try this drink
Its exotic you’ll love it
Saki? Nope its gross

Magnets and good grades
The inside full of snacks, treats
Milk is past its prime

You can shake it or
Make it strawberry; chocolate.
Can’t drink in an hour

Save your cup and money
Free refills don’t stop when you leave
Beat the system

I need it now, fast
Water please, cold, warm, who cares
Indian Food.

Football game in hours
Time to pregame, tailgate. Who
will carry the cooler?

Im picking it out
For you. Not an ordinary one.
Steve Martin’s Thermos

This is a nice trip
Cancun is great this time of year
But, drank the water

What a cruel trick
I wanted the Hawaiian punch
Not the deep bruise.

This is an old joke
But with Kool-AiD man in play
Protect your walls

Freshly mowed lawn
On a hot summer’s day. Mom,
Lemonade please.

Coffee is the worst, maybe
Mix it with chocolate?
Call it mocha (iced)!

I like the color
Will the electrolytes help,
Me not suck at sports?

Decisions are hard
Life or death, cherry or Coke
Might as well mix it.

Where you from boy?
Probably not from around here
It’s called “pop” dummy

Twisted ankle or
Savior in a school lunch bag
Ice pack, multi-purpose

You want a slurpie?
No, I’m not into slurpies.
Slushies are where it’s at

I’d like a Coke please
Will Pepsi be ok sir?
Don’t ask, just bring it.

Not always stocked
But always ready to be
Fridge, you’re my best friend

You can call it soda
Or you can call it pop
Not everything is coke

Everything is fine
Suddenly the lights go out
Quick, the milk’s in danger!


I’m quite grown up now
I’ve moved past my childish ways
Bottles and not cans

Ice can be cubed
It can even be crushed
But it can’t be hot

Thank you for asking
I’ll have what she is having
No, too expensive

A white wine please
That will be eight dollars sir
This isn’t first class

This isn’t quite right
I still like it, but this ‘shake
is just melted ice cream


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