Ron Paul Pushes to Legalize Marijuana and Will Start Wearing Ironic Tees

Washington – Ron Paul recently co-authored a bill that would legalize marijuana in the United States. He announced this bill as part of an overall effort to change his image into somebody who can have fun, be hip, and still take down the Federal Reserve.

“Ron Paul was the presidential candidate who had good ideas, but was a little too old and never ran short on hard candy in his pocket” said Paul’s top aid. “Now he is the presidential candidate with good ideas and a t-shirt that says ‘Libertarians do it in the private sector.”

Conservatives have always liked the ideas of Ron Paul, but were unsure he had enough charisma, showmanship, or Twitter followers. Paul is trying to change that attitude with this new campaign focused around legalizing Marijuana. Paul declared that “the tax revenue from legalizing pot will help stimulate the economy, aid in job creation, and make voters forget I’m 75 years old.”

While legalizing marijuana is the thrust of his new campaign, his new image will also be propped up from wearing ironic t-shirts, new black-rimmed glasses, and being into bands that nobody else really knows about.

“I want Americans to feel comfortable sitting down with me in a dive bar over a PBR tall boy and talking about either ending our involvement in Libya, cutting ethanol subsidies, or the newest Animal Collective album,” said Paul.

Analysts are quick to note that people who smoke marijuana and enjoy the occasional ironic t-shirt rarely wake up to vote in elections. Paul however is confident that once his audience sobers up and hears his message about how to fix the budget deficit by adding more transparency to the US monetary policy and ending funding to questionable foreign allies, they will be compelled to vote.

Added a Paul Representative, “plus, we are promising Doritos at all polling stations.”

My Hairline Thinks I Should’ve Died at 26

The First Time We Met: A Love Story